Blue Hearted
by azurebluehearts
Summary: "I want no hurt, I want no pain, but with every rainbow comes a little rain." The words of Blueheart, and in this strangely soothing tale of mixed emotions, you peer deep into the soul of Blueheart, the cat with no identity. She is nothing but a shadow, a whisper that is sent with a chill, the she-cat with the blue heart.
1. Birth

**You like? Each chapter is filled with as much emotion as possible, because I want you to feel something. Tell me what you feel in the comments, or simply tip. I am open to criticism. **

When I was born, I could see nothing but black. And black, endless black like a deep void. I started to mew, a high-pitched, mournful wail. I felt the rough yet soothing tongue of who I guessed to be my mother, and quickly did I realize her warmth, her presence, her open heart yet protective outer shell.

We both did not favor boys, for my father had been a sly one. His name was Windysong, with his smooth voice which indeed earn its name, and my mother's name was Sandyfur. I had looked much like her at the time. My sandy pelt with its smooth, thick chocolate stripes were much appealing, if I did say so myself, but it felt like two moons until I could open my eyes.

Once I saw my mother, I squeaked, "Who are you?" "But I am your mother of course, dear one." She gave me a soothing lick on the head, and I purred so loudly I shook. I always had a deep, velvety purr; I had inherited it from my father.

I knew my mother and I were smitten.

We did everything together. I groomed myself when she groomed herself, I ate when she ate, I purred when she purred and so forth. My father avoided us after my birth, but he was there as she was actually birthing me, she could remember his blue eyes glazed in pain and his stillness, so still, she described, it was as if he were not living at all, except for his tail-tip twitching as fidgeting, giving the spark of life that soared only so massive through himself.

He left us, he did. He became a rogue, but as I hurtled into apprenticeship he visited me, through the thick brambles that would shroud the camp. I can admit one thing, although: there were much too many boys in my apprenticeship.


	2. Colorful Creations

TWO

I never noticed him, he was just there.

I sat in my usual spot in the apprentices den, curled up to the side of the grass. My body had left a dip on the soft grass bedding, imprinting myself. I pressed against the cool, stone walls of the miniature cave; he slept outside. He suddenly jerked awake, his presence causing my eyes to widen in alarm and my ears prick forward.

He hurtled backwards. "You scared me!" His emerald eyes held a bewildered look, his fur matted in some places. My first impulse was to apologize, like my mother would. But somehow my father's trait had slipped in, and before I knew it I as laughing like I never before, and pairs of eyes from grey to green came to stare in my direction, and so did my mother's. 'Ladies do not bellow!' Her amber eyes spoke sharply. But I didn't care; maybe I was more connected to my father as I knew.

The tom later laughed back. Honestly, I thought he was a girl at the time, and my eyes had gleamed with happiness. 'A new friend,' my brain whispered excitedly, and I felt my eyes brimming with laughter. "Woah." He spoke, steady yet a bit high-pitched. "Your eyes, they're huge. They're so... Pretty. How'd you get that shade of blue?" He lifted a curious paw, which I batted quickly. "Ouch!" He retorted. "Well, it looked like you were going to gouge my eye out!" I cried.

There were no hurt feelings, but me and him snuck out of camp. He came to a large, vast meadow with tall grass that shone like dark blades under the light of the fireflies. I asked him, "Are you a boy or a girl?" My mother would have cuffed me over the head for such manners, but my curiousness got the best of me. "I'm a boy." He spoke, and I felt my eyes widen. My heart pumped. In the few hours I had known him, once he spoke those three words my head started pinging like a bell.  
Ring, ring, go get him. Ring, ring. I froze. "What about you?" He said, oblivious to my unusual symptoms. "Girl," I murmured. All of the sudden the pinging washed over me like a tsunami.

"Will you be my mate?" I blurted. I felt my brain hiss, 'Well done, Miss Romance,' and I instantly felt myself slink away, into the shadows. All of a sudden, I heard his voice, far off into the distance. "Yes," and my muscles froze. I stood still, pondering what to say, what to do, anything at all. 'Breathe,' I told myself. 'Breathe.'

I felt my long legs carry myself. It was a feature I liked about myself, my flexible muscles, my lithe, slender form and my long legs. I knocked into him, toppling over him, nuzzling. He laughed.

We lay there, curled up, our bellies facing the starry sky; it was hard to tell star from firefly. "Do you know about art?" He asked. It was out of the blue. "No," I said. "What is it?" He flipped over, and I got up and silently stretched. My muscles, unfortunately, creaked like a sailor's boat. His did too, but it sounded like trees being chopped down, and I chuckled silently.

He then took his claws, and drew figures in the dirt. Fireflies lit his picture, and every time I saw more detail, more color. He chewed up leaves and filled in his eyes, took wild flowers for mine, colored it all in with the elements if the earth. "It's beautiful," I whispered. He grinned proudly. "I don't draw," he warned. "I only color."

I always loved his creations.


	3. Ravenkit's Apprentice Ceremony

THREE

I never told anyone, but whenever we met each other we instantly roamed the forests together, telling what we never told anyone.

Eventually, one time his friends came along, and I had developed a nickname for my 'mate'... Chee, I would call him. His real name was Cheetahpaw. It caught on. My nickname was 'Bluebear', which I refused to be called in front of clan mates. "So, Bluebear," he snickered. I shoved him playfully. All of a sudden, one of Cheetah's friends, Ravenkit, spoke up. "Hey, what's with the gooshy love names?" She was my friend too, and awfully intelligent for a kit. Humorous, too, knew more than any kit did. She due to apprenticeship very soon, about a week or two.

"She's my girlfriend," Cheetahpaw gushed, and I shook my head, laughing, it was supposed to be a secret, but everyone knew of our affections already. So why not? I, Bluepaw, had captured the cardplayer's heart with a single sentence, a loud bellow, a flash of my blue eyes. And he was a cardplayer, or a player, that is. The women swooned for him, but he played his affections to his order.

Ravenkit showed no sign of melancholy, but I felt a new essence emanating from her. I couldn't pin it, so I shrugged it off and continued with our day.

...

It was Ravenkit's apprentice ceremony, so me and Chee sat huddled, giggling. It was so exciting! The leader, Ashstar, continued with the ceremony, so me and him hushed.

"I know name you Ravenpaw, may you train well and learn to follow our humble code." The cats cheered, and cheered. I thought, 'Maybe she could finally keep up with us! Another friend!'

I was quite wrong. Her disliking for me became more obvious everyday, where one point I simply dragged him away from the conversation and hissed, "It's like she doesn't like me,"  
"She doesn't." My eyes widened at this.  
"Why not?"  
"Because you're my girlfriend."  
I felt confused, wondering how our relationship had anything to do with the dilemma on the table. Then, he told me of they're "meeting". "She pulled me aside, once, and asked if she could be my mate in the future. I said I already had you, and I guess that's where it got more obvious."

It all dwindled down to the truth, hard like rock and cold like ice. She likes Cheetah,  
My brain whispered. My instinct told me it was to go in for a fight, to protect my loved one. It was dreadful, having to go after my so-called friend, but my heart didn't have time for sympathy. It callused in certain places, making me blurt out things I shouldn't have and making me flex my claws at random.

Chee, who was turning into quite the villain, said he treasured me and that I was cute when I got angry. I almost ripped his throat out, but the silly dope would just revive again, he had nine lives.

I became the one to be accounted for for Broken Heart Syndrome, I became the doctor to blame and the antibiotic to abuse and ignore. I tried to pretend like it wasn't happening, after all, at the end of the day I still held the King's golden crown.


	4. Jealousy

FOUR

I saw him, again with Raven. I instinctively said "hi," but she barely looked up.

"Chee," I whispered. "Scootch over here." He shook his head and mouthed, "Raven's being clingy." I rolled my eyes, as if saying, "Do I look like I care about that?" He chuckled, and after not responding he mouthed, "I'll see what I can do." I laughed at the sight of this, Raven looked as if she were a baby koala clinging to her mother. Once he finally tore apart, leaving her looking moody and gray, he came and nosed me. "Happy?" I pretended to be asleep. "Don't play games with me," I peeked and saw him flex his claws. He growled. I slept on. "Blue!" I suddenly tackled him, and licked his nose, purring. "Oh, but I like to play games with you."

...

Those were my memories, the days I treasured, even now. They are pasted in my memory and layered with lacquer, never to be removed. Honestly, he was an excellent mate, but there was a day that I dreaded, where everything seemed black. It was like the day I was first born, and I didn't want to start over, to lose myself.

I was in a terrible mood, and I couldn't bite my tongue if my life depended on it. I treated Chee like crap, which he responded by doing the same. I would wander off, and come back enraged, or cam as still water. He never knew, and if I was calm, he would send me roaring back into the forest like a whirlwind if blue eyes and claws.

If I was angered, he would agree to sit down and talk, only to annoy me some more with his dopey behavior, the side he used to show only to me, myself and I. All of a sudden, he brought up a rogue girl he'd been communicating with. "Excuse me, but I don't want to deal with another Raven." Truth was I was just as clingy as her, but it was a tad different. My affections for him was like the sun rising, it went up and down and left you in blinding light or complete darkness, but never left entirely.

"That's it!" I snarled, after saying he was meeting with her this evening, and that I couldn't possibly know what they were talking about. My jealously drove me overboard and I flexed my aching claws. "You want her so badly, take her! Take whatever lousy mousedung of a she-cat who would want to be your mate!" I ran off on my long legs that, once, so long ago, used to take me to him, the same ones that would take me away.


	5. Revenge, Regret and Reality

FIVE

"You have a mate?" One of my friends asked once.

It happened so little ago. "I don't know," I replied numbly. My eyes were fixated on something, the sparkling azure that made Cheetah fall in love with me were now a dull grayish-blue. All of a sudden, Cheetah's best friend, Blackpelt, shouldered me. "Hey." I replied. I glanced briefly at him, but my eyes didn't light up. They stayed the same, and I went back to staring at nothing. "You and I could be mates," he slurred. My ears pricked. What. Did. He. Just. Say.

I had no interest in him, and he already had a mate, a pretty silver tabby with turquoise eyes, named Oceanbreeze, which I had met on multiple occasions.

"Just for what, exactly?" I said, the numb feelings still in my voice. "Um... Revenge?" He asked me. I looked at him, and the liquid hate I had been feeling for Cheetah so long just finally evaporated. "Yes."

...

The following days he confronted me with an apology, and I felt confused. 'Sorry for what?' "I was so out of it, and my brain was dizzy. I actually have no memory of what happened, but someone told me you were my mate."

It crashed down on me. Except, this time, I landed on a mattress, a lumpy matress of bird's feathers. I didn't know what to feel.

It was much too obvious that Cheetah was out of his mind with jealousy for the short unit me and Blackpelt were together. We were, quite honestly, polar opposites. The heart-sucked, warmth-giving, outrageously perfect (or as perfect as anyone could get), while he was the somber, dull, flawed yet genius. It was no wonder him and Cheetah were best friends, they were exacts.

Black and Blue, that's what they called us. Lay a paw on her, he'll rip your throat out, look at him, she'll hunt you down. It, all of a sudden, after conversing so much, started to become reality. We had become real mates, not for advantage. Not for revenge. Just because.

It was true, although. Me and Cheetah ended, and me and Raven (surprisingly) became friends. Hanging out with Black, although, was a chore; I had to force my laughter, act my words, play my role of the lowly housewife. I had my friends to distract me, I had no one to confide to, and I had even less to love. I had a litter of kits. How much they reminded me of my litter with Cheetah.

...  
*Flashback*

"They're here." I said, worn yet happy. Cheetahfang gazed at them affectionately and gave my nose a quick lick. "What should we name them?" I asked curiously. He shrugged in reply, but holding a bright tone that quivered with excitement. "You name one, I'll name one, and we'll figure the last one together."

I felt satisfied with our solution; I nodded. We had three kits, two brave and strong but the last one a black runt. I named the first one, who was male; I had named him Goldenkit, for his large golden eyes, his shiny bluish fur, and dull yellow ears and tail-tip. Cheetahfang named the second one after his sister, Honeykit. She had honey colored fur, with gray ears and blue eyes. We had named the last one together, throwing out ideas at random. I had finally made an decision. "Crowkit." I said. "Because... You know... We don't want to mention her..." He nodded silently. Crowkit was the runt.


	6. Forgetting

SIX

It was so long.

I hadn't visited in forever, just faded into shadow. However desperately I missed anyone, I didn't show my face for at least twelve moons; a year. I didn't know why, I had just wanted to clear up my head. A lot of times I thought about my kits, with Black and Cheetah, and how well they were doing. One time, I had a kit with Black and she looked exactly like me. Sandy fur, blue eyes, brown stripes. We named her Sapphirekit. She held my funny personality and loving eyes. There was yet another runt, a black kit with dark blue eyes and a brown paw, which Black named Leafkit. And then there was another one, which had faded from my memory long ago.

I missed my friends and family. Everyone. But I finally came back, carrying a burning command. "Raven, tell Cheetahfang that I want my kits back. We're over, but we can't pretend that living, breathing kits are. I'm expecting them."

She agreed politely, and we talked. Raven and Cheetah had become smitten while I was gone. That was fine with me, for they were a much needed pairing.

No later I received my kits that I heard through the starling's nest that Cheetah was boasting about how he was keeping Crowkit, that he was biggest of the litter, how I kept a hefty one and a mere runt. 'Has he grown absolutely mad without my guidance?' My brain had tittered, which my conscience had retorted, 'Shove a sock in it, Raven'll do him good.'

...

I hadn't seen Black in so long. It makes me wonder, but never too much. I engulfed myself completely in my kits and friends. In a flash my kits were old enough to take care of themselves, they left the nursery, they left my side, they left my thought, but they never left my heart.

And neither did Blackpelt, Cheetahfang of Ravensong. They are all a permanent part of my memory, and I've accepted that already. The time I've conversed with Blackpelt about creating a reality out of a revenge plot, the time me and Raven had fought so whole-heartedly neither of us could take no for an answer, the time Cheetah had begged for my hand and won me with a love song, which he yowled loudly with pride, after getting mad at him for adding Raven to his 'lady-friends' list. He did all of this, although, through my friend Violetpaw, but somehow I know she'll be the easiest to forget.


End file.
